I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
