There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
