Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
