Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
