told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
