"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so let's talk penis.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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