Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
