why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There r osticjed everywhere
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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