my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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