Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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