where am i from again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
