I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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