Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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