Do you still have your period?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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