Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize