a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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