you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
this boner is exhausting
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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