No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
