youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my poor anus
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
