I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't turn off my feet"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
