We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize