the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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