so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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