my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
