don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Randomize
