he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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