I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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