I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
