Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
