she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
