Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
