I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
