Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
