You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
