my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
