I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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