he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
