DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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