it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
