I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
