i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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