Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
