the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
