Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
