I can't breathe out the right side of my face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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