3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
