I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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