saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We need a shit load of segways right now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
