quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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