are you so shy because you have an std?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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