I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
