fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize