I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have fence marks all over my body
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
