one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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