i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
