my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
