Betty ford says i'm here all night
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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