Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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