i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize