I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
