After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
