she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
